Patience

Patience. That is what I need more than anything.  It is just a few days short of four months since my diagnosis and I still have not started my proton treatments.  Looking back over the past weeks things have been moved much slower than I had wished.  In fact, from the beginning my hope was to have completed everything by now.  But just how did I get to where I am?

It started about six months after my eye surgery. (see Nevus in My Eye) In my yearly physical my PSA had risen enough that my doctor thought I should be seen by an urologists.  Since I had no family history of prostate cancer the urologist’s thoughts were that we could just watch and wait.  Checking my PSA every six months we found that it was going up, then down, then back up.  The doctor was willing to still wait another six months but with no family history I opted to endure a biopsy and put the matter to rest.

We were all surprised. Nine of the twelve biopsy samples returned negative; but, two returned with a Gleason score of six and one with a score of eight.  The scores of six offered the option to watch and be monitored but the eight demanded treatment.

With the melanoma in my eye, treatment options were very limited.  It was pretty much, here's the diagnosis; here's the treatment; when do you want to start?  But with the prostate there is a smorgasbord of treatments from which to choose: surgery, proton radiation, and at least four options of photon (x-ray) radiation.   Each of these treatments could also be performed with the addition of hormone treatment.

With the photon radiation the options include eight weeks of treatments or four weeks of treatment followed by implanted radiation seeds or implanted seeds alone or temporarily implanted high dose seeds. Just from my readings I ruled out the high dosage temporary seeds without ever talking to a doctor about it.  First it would require more than a four month stay in Atlanta.  And second, the whole procedure sounded like nothing I wished to endure.

I had a lengthy visit with a local radiologist regarding the other options.  He quickly ruled out seeds alone saying he did not think it was appropriate for my case. He said he thought either the full regiment of radiation or the half regiment followed with seeds would do me well.

Next was a visit with the surgeon. He went through the entire surgery.  It would be a laparoscopic procedure done robotically.  He was very thorough, covering the details of the surgery, how long it would take, duration of the hospital stay, and what recovery would be like.

The meeting with those two doctors was followed with visiting Provision, the proton theory center here in Knoxville.  Like the others, the doctor went into great detail spending a great deal of time making sure I understood the difference between photon and proton theory.

After all the meetings, talking with Lynette, talking with fellows who had been through the different treatments, and most importantly time in prayer, I decided to go with proton theory. Once the decision was made I was given a schedule of scans I would need to have done.  The list

included a bone scan, two CT scans, and two MRI scans.  Oh and how could I forget the colonoscopy?  There would also be the gold markers implanted within my prostate.

With all the preparatory procedures completed I am now waiting for the call saying it is time to start the therapy itself. I am expecting to start next week but my patience is wearing thin.

I feel my prayer has become, "Lord, please give me patience; and, GIVE IT TO ME RIGHT NOW!"  However, I must remind myself what Jeremiah had to say in his Lamentations 3:25-26...

25 The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him.

26 It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. (ESV)